Conversations With Various of My Body Parts

Scene: midnight, my bed.

Me: Cut it out

Brain: What do you mean cut it out I don’t know what you’re even saying to me right now

Me: I said cut it out. I want to go to sleep and you keep talking

Brain: Okay okay okay. That’s chill. I respect that you have things to do tomorrow. I’ll shut up so you can get some sleep. You and me, we’re good

Me: . . . *gets drowsy*. . .

Brain: *whispers* remember that one stupid thing you said ten years ago?… yoooou suuuuck….



Scene: 10:00 pm, my office

Me: Imma look at those pictures now

Heart: Why do you do this to me?

Me: But Imma look at those pictures of my kids when they were babies

Heart: You know how I get

Me: Yeah, but Imma look

Heart: *breaks*

Me: Oh, shit, you were right

Heart: *with dying breath* youuuuuu sssssuck



Scene: 10:00 a.m., running track

Me: Okay, Imma run

Knees: *squeaking* You’re gonna what?

Me: Imma run

Knees: AYFKM?

Me: Imma run real slow

Right knee: Shouldn’t you lose a little weight first?

Me: shut up

Left knee: remember what happened last time? Do the words plantar fasciitis mean NOTHING to you?

Right knee: *calls down to foot* dude, she’s doing it again

Foot: dammit

Brain: note to self–buy ibuprofen. In bulk

All together: yoooouuu sssssuck

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